Life after agoraphobia

There is life after agoraphobia…. 

I would say I had a very carefree life before, before what you ask? Before 2013 I was your typical high schooler, I ran track and traveled multiple times a week, I even spent the night in different city’s with the team, I went on vacation twice a year. I spent the night with friends, took day trips out of town. You asked me to go somewhere I was going. When June 2013 hit, my life shattered to pieces. I went on vacation with my husband and his family to Florida. On the second day into our trip, I stated to feel sick to my stomach, the next 2 days I didn’t leave the bed. Finally I had enough I had not eaten anything, I wanted to go home. That same day I flew home by myself. My grandpa was waiting at the airport for me. I get in the car, he asked what happened, I told him I was sick. Once we started to drive home, I got my appetite back, actually once I got in the car the stomach ache disappeared. At the time I assumed it was just a case of being home sick. Little did I know a month later I would become house bound for 4 months. In July, my sister had surgery at Akron’s children’s hospital, we all went to visit her, the car ride there was pretty normal we all sang along to songs and talked. My little sister had some complications while I was in the room, it really scared me (she stopped breathing) we all left and went to the cafeteria so my little brother didn’t see what was going on and to get out of the nurses way. I remember this part vividly, I was standing at the vending machine getting a drink when suddenly I thought I was going to throw up, I ran for the nearest bathroom, got to the toilet and just started dry heaving, this went on for a good 5-7 minutes before my little brother walked in to check on me. I had a few more episodes through out the rest of the visit. I actually thought I had eaten something bad or has a virus. We drove home and the whole way I was so scared I was going to throw up. I get home and feel some what better, I lay down because I was so exhausted, I definitely thought I had a bug at that point. Little did I know. That the following days I would suffer the same thing each place I went, I remember taking my brother to kohl’s to get back to school clothes and running out of the store because I thought I was going to throw up, I couldn’t take the feeling anymore (I’m extremely scared of throw up) I stopped leaving the house. I would stay up as late as I could to avoid the dry heaves that happened at night. That’s when I found out I had agoraphobia, after around 4 months I went on a job interview with pink they kept calling and asking me to come in. I went to the interview and it went well, but as soon as it was over I ran to the closest trash can in which I started dry heaving. I got the job at Pink, but how was I gonna take it? I couldn’t leave the house. I scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist, she gave me vistaril and pristq, well it got me to my first day of work, my grandma and husband were trying to help me so they sat in the car for my entire shift on my first day to calm my nerves. I kept the job, for awhile, but I was suffering from depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Some days were better than others. That’s when I found Eva. Eva the 1 pound chihuahua changed my life. She went everywhere with me. I started going to the grocery store and getting out of the house. I still couldn’t go further than boardman at that time. I was out of the house though, so that was something, right? Things got better having Eva. She got me active. I felt a lot better so I got a second job, and then a third. I felt like I was taking my life back and then March of 2014 hit me, one again my life shattered, I had to quit my job at pink because I was getting panic attacks at work. I could even get to work without dry heaving before. I had quit the second job. I now had one job and I was okay there until August, when my manager started harassing me for what I was wearing, accusing me of having an affair with one of our employees, and so much more. She became a nightmare, I started having panic attacks at work. One day she got on me about something that i “messed up” when in reality it was her fault. I couldn’t take it, so I quit. I went about 3 weeks without a job, my grandma got me a job at her work but after a month I just couldn’t do it. I once again became House bound for around 3 months this time. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t have another job until January of 2018. Over the next 3 years I started couponing and getting stronger, slowly going a little further. I still suffered from anxiety and depression but that’s a story for another day, (maybe a book actually) My fight with agoraphobia was heartbreaking, I missed so many things over those 3 years, Christmases, birthdays, holidays and vacations. Everyone around me was still living their lives while mine was on hold. I wanted to be there but I couldn’t, I tried. I even got in the car and tried to drive but always ended up back in my driveway. I gave up couponing because I just couldn’t got to stores anymore. I couldn’t go to restaurants or movies. In 2017 my doctor introduced me to Xanax. Boy was I against taking it, I heard horror stories about it, and all kinds of judgement. But at that point I was so low, I had fought for 3 years, trying everything from low class anxiety medication to 2 other benzodiazepines, I also tried, pressure points, herbal medications, I tired anything and everything I could. I googled and exhausted all of my resources. I was desperate. Xanax was my only option. The next few months were spent on the couch. I didn’t shower at points for a week just laying on the couch crying. Finally the medications all started working together. We started going to dinner here and there. When 2018 came along, I felt I was ready to take on a job, the perfect one found me. Monday-Friday 7-11 5 minutes from my house. (Mornings are better on my stomach) that year I was able to go to my family Christmas, as well as travel 45 minutes away from my house. I went to the movies and started to hang out with friends. Which brings us to now. As I write this it is March 2019! January marked on year as the kitchen manager of meals on wheels. In the last two months I have moved mountains. I have gone a distance of 2 hours away on multiple occasions. I bought tickets to one of my biggest inspirations and plan to travel to Columbus in April to see her. I plan to go to Florida in May of 2019! My agoraphobia has not gone away it’s still here , I have learned to control it. I still suffer from panic attacks and depression. We will get to that later! You guys there is life after agoraphobia, keep fighting! Never give up! I’m living proof that you can over come it!